Love in Reality
Posted in Romance Literature on February 14th, 2012 by AdminSome fear that romances might give readers unrealistic expectations about relationships and unhealthy attitudes about sex, a theory posited by relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam in a July essay in the Journal of Family Planning and Reproductive Health Care.
Not so, says Eric Selinger, associate professor of English at DePaul University, who uses romances in his research on love, desire and literary pleasure. “Every year or two someone sends up a warning flare: ‘Reading romance is bad for you!’ There’s no … data, no evidence — just a handful of anecdotes.”
To be fair, one could equally well say that there’s only a “handful of anecdotes” supporting the idea that romances are good for you (albeit a large handful). It might be interesting to know whether Burnett and Beto’s findings would be replicated across larger groups of romance readers (they only interviewed “15 [...] womenbetween the ages of 18 and 55″), because they found mixed effects:
The women agreed with Alberts’ (1986)findings that the fictional conversations in romance novels informand reflect the actual male-female conversations of the social world.One participant described how she used the communication in thenovels to help her “communicate with the people around[her].” Some of the participants explained that they wereable to have the right expectations of their romantic partners, butone participant explained that she “sometimes compares” her husbandwith the hero, which “flusters” him. Other influences of the romancenovels include a change in their mood because “it helps you kind ofget yourself out of the context of whatever is going on.” A couple ofthe participants explained that romance novels help you tocommunicate better with your romantic partner, partly because thenovels give “a guy’s point of view.”The comments stating that conflict was handled similarly to thatin romance novels were divided almost equally between “yes” and “no.” [...]
The final question asked during each focus group was if theparticipants thought that romance novels have had an impact on theirrelationships. They explained that there were some comparisons intheir relationships to those in the novels, but even when there wasnot, they still stayed committed to their “real life” partners.However, two of the women said that they now knew why some of theirrelationships did not work out–because they were not “looking forreal substance.” They were “looking for the fairy tale romancenovel.”
The whole of that study is available here. Regarding the question of whether fictions are good or bad for us, Robert Sternberg argues that
All our lives we have heard stories of various kinds, many with love as a leitmotif. We thus have an array of stories we can draw on when composing our own. (26)
We come to relationships with many preconceived ideas. These ideas, or stories, are not right or wrong in themselves, although they may be more or less adaptive – that is, more or less healthy in promoting a good fit to the environment. What is viewed as adaptive varies over time and place. For example, one culture might view love as an indispensable part of marriage; another culture might view love as irrelevant to marriage. In both cultures, these values are likely to be taught not as somewhat arbitrary matters of cultural convention, but as matters of right and wrong. What are viewed as “realities” are rather perceptions of realities – stories. (7)
stories are so powerful in our lives, and also so hard to change. We may continue in a relationship that is dysfunctional in many respects simply because it does represent love to us, “sick” as that love may seem to others. We may even see the culture as supporting the kind of love we have. (221)
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| Tristan and Isolde – adulterous love |
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| Cinderella waiting for her Prince |
Lamb, Joyce. “Readers’ hearts remain true to romance novels.” USA TODAY, 14 February 2012.
Sternberg, Robert. Love is a Story: A New Theory of Relationships. New York: Oxford UP, 1998.
The first image is of John William Waterhouse’s “Tristan and Isolde with the Potion” and the second is of the cover of Louis Ferdinand Gottschalk, David Kilburn Stevens, Edward Warren Corliss and Robert Ayres Barnet’s Cinderella and the Prince; or, Castle of Heart’s Desire: A fairy Excuse for Songs and Dances. Boston: White-Smitz music pub. co., 1904. Both came from Wikimedia Commons.












